The Penis Tax

Yesterday, May 4th 2009, I realized I had yet to pick up my monthly commuter pass at work. We deduct a little of our pay each week so we can pick up the $140 zone 2 commuter rail link pass at our commuter services at work. I didn't pick it up on Friday, May 1st, so I was totally screwed when Monday, May 4th came around.

This has happened to me before, and usually the conductors are nice when I tell them the situation. I usually show them my previous months' passes (I keep a few in my wallet, mostly because I'm lazy and don't take them out) and they say "Well, don't let it happen again". I then pick up the pass at work, and I'm all set.

Yesterday, that wasn't the case. An older male conductor said to me "It's the 4th. I will have to charge you". I silently grumbled as I handed over the $5 and he gave me back a quarter. I was angry with myself over having to have thus paid twice for the commuter rail. Once for the pass, and once just then.

I go on to reading my book: "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". It's about the story "Pride and Prejudice" but with zombies. Fun read. Anyway, I hear the conductor move down a few seats, and I hear a woman's voice. For some reason I zoned in on this.

"Tickets, passes" -Conductor

"I didn't pick mine up yet from work, I'm really sorry" -pretty, attractive woman around 26 years old.

"Oh... well be sure to pick it up and let me see it tomorrow, ok?" - Ass hat conductor

"Thanks, I will, I'm really sorry" - woman who obviously can't see that Jack Sauce the haploid conductor wants to give her his pass, if you know what I mean.

"Don't worry about it, it happens" - Sir Colonel Douche of the double standard regime.

"Thanks" said the loose trollop.

I sat and silently fumed about how the world had screwed me yet again, but then I realized something that made me instantly calm down, and feel a thousand times better:

I can stand when I pee.

If that means I have to pay the occasional $4.75 for a commuter rail ticket, then may the tax come. Unfortunately it isn't a tax based on anything dimensional, because I then think that $4.75 may be a bit steep, and come April 15th, I should be getting some money back!
Until next time,
I'll keep paying the penis tax.