Wednesday, May 6, 2009

NNNNGahhh ::KLANK!!!:: NNNNGaahhhhh ::KLANK!!!::

Picture this:

It's 5:30 a.m., Wednesday May 6, 2009. You are at the gym. Everyone there is groggy. Even the staff. It's 5:30 a.m. fer chrissake. Everyone is groggy, except NNNNGahhh guy!

NNNNGahhh guy is my new favorite person at the gym. The man probably weighs 175lbs, and stands about 5'6". Probably around 40 years old, and he's solid muscle.

Everyone else at the gym does their work out silently and resentfully. NNNNGahh guy does his push ups, and at the height of each push up, he bellows "NNNNNGAHHH!!"

He'll put about 500lbs(no lie) of weight on a machine, throw his back into it (it really looks like he is going to hurt himself) and screams "NNNNGAHHHH!!" as he pulls the weight back, lets it slam down ::KLANK!!:: and does another rep. So that at 5:45a.m. you can here the smooth music of Kiss 108 fm playing, as well as "NNNNNGAHHHH!!!" ::KLANK!!!:: "NNNNNNGAHHHHH!!!::KLANK!!!:::

I love him for that reason alone. But there is more!

I finish my work out and strip down and put on my towel in the locker room, and I go to the stall, and pull the shower curtain closed. Because the gym is cheap and doesn't replace torn shower curtains, they don't exactly close you off and give you complete privacy; just enough privacy to keep your goods private. I can totally see people walking buy as they enter the shower area. Usually old men and no lookers.

NNNNGAHHH guy comes in, naked as cheap whore in a hotel room, pulls the shower curtain to the side and wraps it around his towel hook, thus exposing himself completely to everyone as he showers. He's kind of at an angle so I don't see anything, but I know that his stall is completely visible. People walk buy and look the other way so as to give some modicum of decency to the showering guy. Why, I don't know since he obviously wants you to look. Or he just might be freaked out by the dirty shower curtain.

Anyway, I'm showering, then I hear moans coming from his stall. It is his stall because presently we are the only two showering. They aren't moans of pleasure, or of pain, or of someone relaxing after a good work out. No, these moans startle me to the point of thinking that there is a FUCKING ZOMBIE!!! In the next stall! Deep throated, guttural moans that should be accompanied with a raspy "Braaaaiiiinnnnssss". Thankfully he didn't do that.

So I get out of the shower, towel off, and go to my locker and start changing up. Ten seconds later, out struts NNNNGAHhh guy, naked and dripping, and to my shock, sporting a semi-stock. Not big enough to fly your flag, but enough to notice. I guess it was a pleasurable moan after all!

This isn't the only funny thing he does. He lays down his towel and sprays his feet with what I assume to be an anti-fungal. Normal procedure at a gym. Foot hygiene is important. He then puts his undies on, then puts his sock and shoes on. Let me go over that again. He puts his underwear on, then his socks, then his shoes. No shirt, no pants. Just boxer briefs with socks and shoes.

So here is a man all clean and aroused from the shower, freshly deloused, and now strutting around in with his fruit of the loom, argyle socks, and penny loafers on. I wanted to ask him if he noticed that he forgot a step, I mean, we all have a rough day from time to time, I know I've left the house without brushing my teeth, but I had to leave the locker room because I was done changing and didn't want to linger.

I asked the guy near me if NNNNGAhhh! forgot a step. He looked at me weird, but then looked at the man I gestured too, and he gave a little shrug / snort / chuckle. I love the gym.

No comments:

Post a Comment