Today started out like any other day: me waking up, getting ready for the day with cereal and coffee, petting Goliath (Oh! We got a kitty named Goliath. I shall have to put up a posting about him. I am becoming a crazy cat person) and then leaving for a nice leisurely stroll to the Providence Train Station to catch the train to Boston.
While on the train I read, I doze off, I wake up and read, then doze off (perhaps I should go to bed earlier) then wake up and get off the train at back bay station.
This is usually a cattle rustle because everyone is mindless, and we just funnel through two sets of double doors and either walk or take the escalator up to the main platform of the station.
I decided to take the stairs because, ya know, I'm a chunky monkey and I need the exercise. As I'm walking up the stairs, I notice that a 20 something dude on the escalator is staring at me. I don't get self conscious or anything, I just immediately go to the most vain part of my mind: Oh he wants me.
I turn my head and smile at him, and just at that moment all traffic on the stairs stops, but I keep going. Unfortunately, the stairs are arranged so that your head is about the same level as the ass of the person in front of you.
I did a big ol face plant right into the old dudes ass.
Thank God for pants, because I was so deep up there I would have been able to tell what he had for dinner last night.
It is hard to pull away from giving someone a free colonoscopy with your face without looking like a total ass (pun here. Get it?) . I didn't. The guy in front of me turned around and gave me a doughy "I'm being herded like cattle and something new just happened and I don't know what to do so I'll keep eating my cud" look. I apologized. In fact I think I said something like "Oh my god, sorry, ew, sorry oh god, sorry" and kind of under my breath.
The guy next to me on the escalator kept going, but he saw the whole thing, and of course the son of a bitch was laughing.
Screw you ya bastard. I wasn't attracted to you in the first place, you slope headed, fish faced, mouth breather.
I needed to drain the lizard so I stopped by the Back Bay bathroom to relieve myself. So I pee (point of interest, it apparently doesn't matter where you piss in this bathroom. The walls and floor are saturated with it. Even the air. Gross), decide against washing my hands in the toilet paper clogged sinks, whip out my purell and give my hands a sterilizing once over.
As I head out, I notice in the mirror that I have this huge boogey hanging out of my nose. And then I realize that that was probably what the guy on the escalator was looking at. Well thanks for telling me, ya jerk!
Like I said, my day started off pretty normal, and so far it is just par for the course.